Separation Anxiety

It was a troubled night. I couldn't sleep because my mind was thinking, why is that I'm so desired to be there 24/7 for my baby. 

When I looked back through the past, and recalled the parenting style that was practised in raising me up. I finally figured out why.

Don't get me wrong, I think my parents love us in the measure of love that is indescribably. They communicated their love in their way.

But I guess, I didn't feel their love as much as they gave, or when I was in primary school, I wish they were there.

Are you one of those kids that wishing upon the stars that your parents are there for you?

I recalled the girl that has her hair tied up by her mum. Her long hair. But for me, I never had the chance to have a long hair.

I recalled my friends that has talcum powder in some of their face because their mum get them ready for school.

I grew up expecting that they will never be there for my report card day, for my sport day UNLESS my teacher tells me that it is very necessary.

When I bullied by my teacher at primary 2, nobody really remember what was happened. But it left scar in my mind. For a very long time. The watchers may recalled the moment, but it is just one particulars bad scenario that happened to their classmates. But I remembered it for a very long time.

Up to now. 

I finally figured out why I wanted to be there for my baby.

When I small, I didn't really have the control. But now that I'm an adult, I'm blessed with capability to make my own decision, and take charge of my life.

No, no, no. I won't let my past effect my present decision. 

What I'm trying to communicate is that, I'm going to learn from the outcomes of my past.

I certainly want my kids to be loved, and know they are loved my me and hubby.

That they are the priority.

I want them to know that I cherish and respect my parents.

I want to be an exemplary, a person that they will look up when challenges come along the journey of their life.

And yes, this morning, when I left L.A to work, I experienced separation anxiety. 

She experienced her first fall and injured her lip, and her upper nose. My heart BREAKS!!! :(

While on the way to my parent's place, I placed her on my chest, cuddled and kiss her.

I kept apologized to her. 

It looks to me, that if I apologized to her, and cuddled it.

It made her comfortable, and secure.